Warning: Longer than usual content follows! Hope you find it worthwhile.
Recently
Marilyn and I have begun the process of planning for our final days on earth
(though hopefully that will not be anytime soon!). As part of the process, we have been
following a checklist which assists with decision-making about the type of
memorial service, favorite scripture passages, favorite music, etc. that one
would choose to include in one’s final service (and thereby help prepare, (and
spare) one’s survivors for the difficult task of having to make those
decisions.) The last item on the
checklist was this: “One year after I’m gone, I’d love it if you’d celebrate
my memory by doing this:”. After
some thoughtful consideration, my personal answer was to read my blog postings
regarding our mission experiences over the last several years of our
lives. I believe that these experiences
represent the culmination of all that has gone before…the summation of our
lifetime of preparation and purpose. It
has been difficult to convey to our family and loved ones just how impactful and
formative these experiences have been.
In the case of some unbelieving loved ones, it has even become a
divisive issue…there is the perception that we have become “blind” to the
realities of the world and the risks of our volunteering as a result of our
faith. Consequently, I am reminded of the warnings of the “cost” of
discipleship… what one can expect when one chooses to follow Jesus.
Matthew 10:34-36:34 “Do
not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to
bring peace, but a sword. 35 For
I have come to turn ‘a man against his father, a daughter against her
mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law—36 a man’s
enemies will be the members of his own household.’[c]
In other words, one can
expect strife and turmoil as a result of following Jesus…even within one’s
family. So why follow Him? How does one come to believe so strongly that
God exists, that Jesus was who He said He was, and that God does call us, equip
us, and lead us into various types of Kingdom work? My own story of faith, many of you already
know…but perhaps many of those closest to me do not? Perhaps you are reading this in real-time? Perhaps you are reading this after my
death? In any event, let me try to explain. I was born into a family with one believing
parent (my mother), and one agnostic parent (my father). My mother was a member or the Church of Latter-Day
Saints (LDS, or Mormonism). I was raised
in this tradition and baptized at age 8.
As a child, I embraced the concept that God existed, but did not have
much else in the way of a personal testimony as I was growing up. I attended church more out of a sense of duty
to my mother, and maternal grandparents, than anything else. As I approached adulthood, and the age at
which I would need to decide about going on a “mission” with the LDS church, I
was confronted with the fact that I did not feel any personal conviction to do
so. I felt like I would be an
“imposter” if I chose that route. In fact, as I had progressed
through school and through my pre-medical curriculum, I had begun to "worship
at the altar of science". I had begun to
believe that there was no God, and that I did not see how anyone could become
objectively convinced of His existence.
Perhaps you have been in this place…or still are? I remained a non-believer through most of my
early adult years. After Marilyn and I
had children, we would occasionally take them to church with the goal of
providing moral instruction. One year
when my daughter was about 10 years of age, she attended a summer sports camp
at T-Bar-M (a Christian sports camp in New Braunfels, TX). She returned home from that experience “on
fire for God” – she was reading her bible, praying, and questioning why we were
not going to church more regularly. I
felt a piercing conviction in my heart that she was right…we DID need to expose
our children to Christianity, and then let them come to their own conclusions
about their faith, or lack of faith. We
made a commitment to take them to Sunday School each week, and while they were
in Sunday School, Marilyn and I also enrolled in an adult class. It was here that I was encouraged to commit
to reading the entire bible over the course of one year in a course called
Disciple Bible Study. I had zero
interest in doing so but was strongly encouraged by Marilyn to participate…and in
the end, I decided to read this book that I professed not to believe (though
had never read). I entered the study as
a strong skeptic, believing that nothing could answer my questions, my doubts,
and my unbelief. I was now about 39-40 years old and had experienced enough of the practice of medicine to
realize that the god known as "Science” was anything but infallible. As I read the Old Testament, I came upon the
following Psalm of David:
Psalm 19:1-5:
1The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
2 Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they reveal knowledge.
3 They have no speech, they use no words;
no sound is heard from them.
4 Yet their voice[b] goes
out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the world.
In the heavens God has pitched a tent for
the sun.
and later in the New
Testament, I came upon the following statement from the Apostle Paul: Romans
1:18-23, 1: 25.
18 The
wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and
wickedness of people, who suppress the truth by their wickedness, 19 since
what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain
to them. 20 For since the
creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine
nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been
made, so that people are without excuse.
21 For
although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to
him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22 Although
they claimed to be wise, they became fools 23 and
exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like a
mortal human being and birds and animals and reptiles....
25 They
exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served
created things rather than the Creator—who is forever
praised. Amen.
I once again felt pierced to my soul; convinced that the truth of
the existence of the Creator, had always been right in front of me….as
evidenced by what had been made.
As a biology major, and later a medical doctor, I was intimately
familiar with what science had made known to us about the inner workings of the
simplest of living structures, the cell.
I had spent many years learning about the organelles, their chemical
make-up, their function, their structures, and their interdependence. Watch the following video representation of
cellular function and try to see it as a scientist sees it…the culmination of
millions of years of evolutionary pressures brought to bear on non-living,
inorganic materials such that through random chance each component evolves, one
after the other, with hundreds of thousands to millions of years between each component, till they all,
by random chance assimilate, somehow become living organic materials, and begin to function. Is that not an incredible “faith” of
a different sort?!
Or is it easier to believe
that there is design, structure, purpose, and intelligence beyond our wildest
ability to imagine? Which takes more
“faith”?
Or look at the night sky
and the universe as we know it…is there not also design, structure, beauty, and
“speech” testifying to the same Creator?
I had much the same experience while hiking in the Maroon Bells
wilderness of Colorado…I recall sitting down to eat lunch, looking around me
and saying to myself “No way this is all random chance….” I recalled what I had
read…”His eternal power and divine nature has been clearly seen, being
understood from what has been made”.
By the end of my one year
of bible study, I could no longer believe that there was NOT a God. Once I became convinced that God indeed exists,
my next dilemma was to decide if Jesus was who He claimed to be, and if so, how
could I be sure? Once again, the answer
came to me through scripture, the book of Acts, chapter 9, written by Luke the
physician, a travelling companion of the apostle Paul. In it, Luke describes from first- hand
descriptions, Paul’s encounter with the risen Jesus. Prior to this encounter, Paul might have been
me (or I might have been Paul!) …a non-believing skeptic of the highest
order… to the point of pursuing, persecuting, and even killing Jesus
followers! The stories of what happens
to Paul after this encounter convinced me that something powerful and
overwhelmingly convincing had happened to him…something which caused him to
completely change course and fearlessly follow and proclaim the Lordship of
Jesus as the Christ. I identify strongly
with Paul…I often say that I am another of Paul’s converts, some 2000+ years
later. I believe that he was one of the
greatest evangelists of all time…read him and see if you don’t agree. In some of my previous blog entries I have
written about what came next…how I came to feel the tug on my heart towards
missions, and how I reluctantly came to respond to that leading. As I have responded to that perceived call,
my faith has been strengthened, and has grown exponentially. I/we (I believe I speak for Marilyn as well)
have been incredibly blessed to be able to join God where He is at work around
the world…to “see” with new eyes his “eternal power, divine nature” and His
incredible love for mankind. I do not
pretend to have the degree of faith that Paul exhibited. I still have periods of doubt; spells where I
do not feel God’s presence; events which make me question His control, and His
purposes. Nevertheless, I can no longer
believe that He does not exist. I now must
trust that He is good; that His purposes and plans are higher than my
understanding, and that I simply must strive to be transformed in my thoughts
and deeds…to become as much like Christ as possible in the years that remain. If you have not already done so, I strongly
encourage you to study God’s word…the bible.
You may find that it changes your life, as it has mine.
Numbers 6:24-26
24 “‘“The Lord bless you
and keep you;
25 the Lord make his face shine on you
and be gracious to you;
26 the Lord turn his face toward you
and give you peace.”’
